yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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