I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
