I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
