oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
