Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
