And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
