I think my vagina is haunted
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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