My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
