i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
