how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
