How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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