Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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