girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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