I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
