there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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