Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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