i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
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