Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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