the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
