I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
