32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
