wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
