new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize