Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
