we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
