Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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