ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
