I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
