I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
