So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
