He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My liver just broke up with me...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
