Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
