WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
