The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
