I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
