I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
