Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
