I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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