i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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