Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
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