Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
so much tequila, so little girl.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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