you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
did i walk over a car last night?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
