he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm sobbing to NWA
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
