I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
