Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
