just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
