Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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