just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
