I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
