its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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