That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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