he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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