atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Are my feet made of real feet?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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