i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
