i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
