Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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