I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
