Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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