but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
