i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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