If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
