There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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