Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
