wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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