So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
