Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
