Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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