Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
