he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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