well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
how does that bad decision feel?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize