Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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