God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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