My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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