A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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