im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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