I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
