phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
