New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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