Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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