Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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