i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
