I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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