She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
