You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
