You're my little dorito
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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