new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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