you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize