goodnight i made you a song goodbye
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize