You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
