I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
