its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Still dying that you shit outside
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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