evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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