I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize