Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
