we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
