Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
