Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize