She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
