38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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