I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
