Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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