we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
