He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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