Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We named our party play list daddy issues
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
