the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize