btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
