no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
