Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
