you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
