hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
how do flat chested girls get laid?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
