I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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