He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize