fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm like, not good at living.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
