I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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