Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
