oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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