I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
