My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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