obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
