I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
