Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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