I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just cropdusted the office
I am spending my child support on dildos
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
