Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I think i got beer on your cat.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
