he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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