My brain says no but my pants say off.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize