She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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