I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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